Scene opens with Marco Diaz climbing out of a small crater in a unknown, dimly lit area. Star Butterfly growls while gnawing on a ribbon. When she sees Marco, she shrieks and runs away. | |
Marco | Star? Huh? [notices his locker] I don't know my combination! |
The lock rattles to the point of breaking, and the locker opens to reveal another version of Marco inside | |
Marco | [gasps] I'm... I'm... I'm wearing a suit! |
Out of sight, the alternate version of Marco turns into Mr. Candle. | |
Mr. Candle | What are your plans for the future, Mr. Diaz? |
Marco | Mr. Candle? |
Various students from Echo Creek Academy appear on balloons which float up to the moon. | |
Jackie Lynn Thomas | We're moving on with our lives. |
Marco | But I haven't made up my balloon yet. |
A red belt appears suspended in the sky above Marco | |
Marco | My red belt. I've been looking all over for you. [the belt flies away] Wait! Come back. |
Star Butterfly | Marco. Marco. Marco! |
Marco awakes from his dream. Star is in his room, leaning out of a dimensional scissors portal. | |
Star | Marco, Marco, Marco. |
Marco | [screams] Star? |
Star | You okay? Sounded like you were having one of those "stuck in life" dreams again. |
Marco | Yeah. Wait. What are you doing in here? |
Star | I'm hanging my first "Love Sentence" poster. You can be my prisoner of love, Justin Towers. |
Marco | Uh... that's not what I meant. I was sleeping. |
Star | Oh! Right. You have a hammer? I'm putting this bad boy up Earth girl style. No majack! |
Marco | Yeah, all I'm saying is, you could've tried knocking on my door, Earth girl style. |
Star | Why would I do that when I have dimensional... oh! How can I be so "duh"? Nothing's easy on Earth! [laughs] I'm gonna find a hammer the hard way. Scavenger hunt! |
Marco | Do we even have a hammer? [Marco stares at his karate gi] |
Scene changes to the Echo Creek Dojo | |
Marco | Sensei, I need to talk to you about graduating to a red... |
Sensei Brantley | Silence! I'm about to achieve oneness with the universe. [inhales loudly, unintelligible muttering and grunting] Now, bow to your sensei. |
Marco | [bows] Master, I've been a green belt for five years. It's time for me to level up. |
Sensei | [laughs] Five years, and you think you're ready? Go get an ice cream cone or something and quit wasting my Saturday. |
Marco | Sensei, I'm serious. |
Sensei | Are you sure? The training you desire has broken many a student. |
Marco | I'm ready to do whatever it takes. |
Sensei | Fine. We start... [screaming] now! [kicks up his foot] Clip the toenail. |
Marco | Seriously? |
Sensei | Clip the toenail!! |
Marco | [starts clipping, nail hits his eye] Ow! |
Scene changes to the bathroom | |
Sensei | Plunge the toilet. |
Marco | Ugh. |
Scene changes back to the dojo floor | |
Sensei | Take the deduction. |
Marco | [fly lands on his eye, winces] |
Sensei | Is your moment of failure at hand, Mr. Diaz? |
Marco | [painfully] No sensei. Bleh. |
Scene changes to the Diaz's home | |
Star | Hey guys! Just ignore me. |
Angie Diaz | Why exactly are we ignoring you? |
Star | I'm scavenging the house for a hammer. Just pretend I'm not here. |
Rafael Diaz | Okie-dokie. |
Angie | [to Rafael] Do we even have a hammer? |
Rafael | No. |
Star | [groans] If was a hammer... I'd be up there! [climbs the chimney] |
Angie | [to Rafael] We have to do something. |
Scene jumps back to Marco. | |
Sensei | That's right, Mr. Diaz. Feel the squeegee deep in your soul. Preparation is key; you never know when trouble will arrive |
Sensei's mom | [honks horn, steps out of car] Hello dear. |
Sensei | Mom! How nice to have you, uh, visit me at my own house. |
Sensei's mom | It's nice to see you finally getting to those windows, and you have a little friend helping you. Maybe I'll fix you a big helper's snack. |
Marco | Your mom seems nice. |
Sensei | Oh yes, she often comes to see me. But not too often, on account of her having her own home. |
Marco | I'm glad you made that distinction because it almost seemed like this was her house. |
Sensei's mom | Here you go boys [holds a plate of food]. If you need me, I'll be taking a nap in my room, okay? |
Scene jumps to the Sensei's room. | |
Marco | Okay, it's clear that you live at home in a room that is unsettlingly similar to mine. |
Sensei | Uh... great. Then you'll have no problem cleaning it. |
Marco | Wait a minute. Are you training me for a red belt, or are you making me do all your chores? |
Sensei | No no, we're training. [Kicks out his leg] Ha! Cut the toenail. |
Marco | Ugh! I think I've more than earned my red belt. |
Sensei | Uh, you can't because I, uh... [starts sobbing] because I'm also only a green belt. |
Marco | What⁈ |
Sensei | I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life so I rented a dojo and ordered these instructional videotapes. Each tape tole me what to learn to get each color belt. It was going pretty well at first, but I only watched as far as the green belt tape. |
Marco | Why'd you stop there? |
Sensei | Because the red belt tape got stuck in the machine. Now it just holds up the short leg on my computer table. |
Marco | Couldn't you just try to get the tape out and untangle it? |
Sensei | I did, but that tape got stuck in another machine! What kind of sensei can't even work a VCR? |
Marco | [breathes deeply] Well, we can totally find it online. [uses his cell phone] Except we can't. It seems like this is one of the rarest sets of videotapes in existence. I guess we'll just have to find it IRL. |
Sensei | No way. I owe those guys too much in back taxes. |
Marco | IRL means 'in real life.' We just have to find a copy somewhere out there. |
Sensei | I see. In that case, we'll need wheels. |
Outside the house | |
Sensei | [riding bicycle with Marco] To adventure! |
Marco | [laughing] Feel the wind in my tassels! |
Dog | [barks] |
Sensei | Mom, call Rocket. He's being weird. |
Scene jumps back to Star, who's still searching for the hammer. The Diaz's house is a total mess! | |
Star | [groans while crawling] Must... find... hammer. [head smacks against ground] |
Scene changes to outside thrift store | |
Sensei | What is this place? |
Marco | It's cool. You'll love it. |
Sensei | [inside the store] Yuck. Come on. It's like a yard sale, but inside. |
Marco | These are the only kind of places you can find old videotapes anymore. [grabs a cassette] |
Sensei | Is that it? |
Marco | No [grabs another]. |
Sensei | Is that it? |
Marco | No [grabs another]. |
Sensei | Is that it? |
Marco | Nope [grabs another]. |
Sensei | Is that? |
Marco | Nope [grabs another]. Got it. Never mind, this is how to karaoke. |
Sensei | Ahg. This is impossible! We're never gonna find it. |
Marco | Come on, we just got here. [store bell rings] Why don't you go check one of those other bookcases? Sensei? |
Outside the store | |
Sensei | How about grape and cherry? Ooh, you know what? Just squirt every flavor you got on it zombie style. [receives an ice cream cone] Ooh, yeah. |
Marco | Why'd you leave? |
Sensei | Got some cash? I don't get my allowance till Friday. |
Marco | Oh, uh... here. |
Marco's sensei has vanished, but the ice cream man points Marco in the right direction. He is currently showing off a bicycle trick to two ladies. | |
Sensei | Fifty one, fifty two, fifty three... |
Marco | Sensei, what are you doing? |
Sensei | Dude, these chicks totally dig my bike. |
Marco | Are you for real? |
Sensei | What? |
Marco | You don't really wanna earn your red belt, do you? |
Sensei | Look, we tried, and we failed, and that's okay. |
Marco | It's not okay. I actually wanted to be like you, but you're just like me, except I'm not gonna end up 38 years old and still living with my parents. I'll see you later |
Sensei | Where you going? |
Marco | I'm going to find that tape and get my red belt. |
Sensei | Uh, bow to your sensei. |
Marco | I don't have a sensei anymore. [to himself] So where am I gonna look next? I could check more thrift stores, but what are the odds I'll [walks in to a billboard] Ow. [the billboard reads 'Rare video Tapes'] Bump into it? [looks up and reads the store name 'VHS Depot']. |
inside | |
Cashier | You are no cinephile. Next. |
Marco | I'm looking for a rare set of karate instructional tapes. |
Cashier | Finally. A customer who knows what he's talking about. |
Marco | It's the "How to Karate" series. The red belt tape. |
Cashier | [gestures] Behold, the coveted volume 8 red belt cassette. [pulls it from the shelf] Viewed only once. |
Marco | [sighs] I've been looking all over for you [reaches to pick it up] |
Cashier | [smacks Marco's hand] Not without gloves, please. |
Marco | Okay. How much is it? |
Cashier | I will give you the aficionado price. 2,400. |
Marco | Dollars⁈ [laughs] I can't afford that. |
Cashier | Well, there is another way. Fight me for it. |
Marco | Really? Yeah, okay. |
The cashier stands up, revealing his tall height and his muscular body. | |
Marco | [unintimidated] I'm not leaving without that tape. |
The cashier karate chops his own desk, and the battle begins. Marco's old sensei walks in. | |
Sensei | Hey, Marco. I'm still your sensei, right? Ooh. |
The fighting continues, Marco is losing. | |
Marco | Sensei, he has the tape [screams] |
Sensei | Mr. Diaz, clip the toenail! |
Marco does as he says, and the cashier falls to the ground. | |
Cashier | You... defeated me. [smiling] The tape is yours [hands it over]. |
Sensei | [in a loop of magnetic tape] Can you ask him if he has the "How to Untangle Multiple VHS Tapes" VHS tape? |
Marco | No. Do you have a pair of scissors? |
Cashier | Actually, we... |
Marco | Not the critically acclaimed award-winning romantic comedy "A Pair of Scissors," an actual pair of scissors. |
Cashier | No. |
Scene jumps back to star. She's being licked by her laser puppies | |
Star | It's okay guys. I'm done. Go on without me. [clattering] A hammer! |
Rafael and Angie | [sigh] |
Star | Now I just need to find some nails. |
Rafael | [whispering] Back to the store. |
Scene jumps to the dojo. The "How To Karate" tape ejects from the VHS player. | |
Sensei | You know, red is really your color [bows]. |
Marco | It's yours too, sensei [bows]. |
Scene jumps back to Star in her room. | |
Star | I'd say this Earth girl did a job well done. [part of the wall's paint flakes off] Now, let's clean this house the easy way. |
Advertisement
Red Belt/Transcript
< Red Belt
Advertisement