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(theme song)
Episode begins with a exterior shot of the Diaz household, then screen cuts to Star dancing.
Star Butterfly [to Pony Head] I just called 'cause have to say, happy birthday on your birthday day, happy birthday on your birthday day!
Star Butterfly And... there's a special delivery coming right your way, your favorite.
Star grabs a tray of cupcakes. Pony Head is surprised by the cupcakes with small fireworks.
Star Butterfly Only the best for the best bestie a best bestie could have.
Pony Head Ah, oh my goodness! Thank you so much B-fly! I mean, a princess such as myself, could never tolerate such confections.
Pony Head But would you please donate them to the starving bartendens of Galafamor on my behalf?
Star looks at Pony Head, shocked.
Star Butterfly Did you bump your uni-horn again?
Pony Head Girl, [whispering] you know we can't receive packages here at St. Olga's School for Wayward Princesses.
Star screams and drops the tray of cupcakes from running away .
Star Butterfly [screaming] St. O's, St. O's, St. O's!
Screen shows a shot of Star's room which is silent, except for Star's boots kicking under from the rug.
Pony Head B-fly?
Star comes out from hiding inside her chest.
Star Butterfly I can't even stand to hear the name of that place.
Star shudders as she makes her way around her boots.
Pony Head Oh, please, you've got to be chill B-fly. I'm the one doing hard time here!
Star Butterfly I know, but if you weren't there we could totally party it up!
Visual of Star's imagination begins.
Star Butterfly Rainbow tea at the Dowager Room, sliding down the twisty slopes of Zala Mountain, then dancing all night long at the Bounce Lounge!
Star's imagination ends and screen cuts back to Pony Head.
Pony Head Oh, heck yeah girl. That would be the best birthday day ever! Boom.
A door creaks open in the background and Pony Head gasps.
Pony Head Oh no. I expressed my individuality that publicaly showed an emotion.
Pony head gasps again.
Pony Head And that's my third strike. Oh no no, please no no, they're sending me to the solitary conform-ment chamber!
Guards take Pony Head away and connection on Star's inter-dimensional mirror is gone.
Star Butterfly Pony Head! [falls to knees] Aww no, you don't deserve this!
Star sobs on her knees while Marco comes onscreen doing some karate moves.
Marco Diaz Ready to take out life's frustrations on some ill-intentioned monsters?
Star stops and looks at Marco before continuing again.
Star Butterfly This is terrible! Best friends don't let best besties have bad birthday days!
Star blows her nose into a tissue.
Star Butterfly And Pony Head is having the worst one ever.
Marco Diaz Pony Head? [hesitates] Ugh, I'm out of here.
Marco starts walking away.
Star Butterfly Marco! We have to get her out of that prison!
Marco turns around and heads back to Star.
Marco Diaz Ah, a breakout! Why didn't you say so?
Marco helps Star up.
Marco Diaz Wait, isn't St. O's-
Star panics again.
Star Butterfly Ahh! St. O's, St. O's, St. O's!
Marco Diaz Uh, we haven't even left yet.
Random boots still kicking, and this time Star comes out from behind a clothing rack.
Star Butterfly Sorry.
Star heads back over to Marco.
Marco Diaz What's that under your rug?!
Star Butterfly I have no idea, but I do know one thing, never ever step on it.
Marco Diaz Let's get back to that breakout thing.
Star Butterfly But no one's ever escaped from there.
Marco Diaz I've seen every prisoner escape movie made.
Marco is over at a dresser and rummages through a drawer.
Marco Diaz We only need three things: patience, brains, and the ever-famous multi-faceted bobby pin.
Star Butterfly Or, we use my dimensional scissors to go straight to her cell and get her the heck out of there!
Dimensional portal appears and Marco walks out.
Marco Diaz Uh, this isn't Pony Head's cell.
Star peeks out of the portal.
Star Butterfly Huh. I'm usually pretty accurate with these things.
Another portal opens up and a carriage drives out of it. Star and Marco are in the way and Marco grabs Star's arm, bringing them aside to safety. They hide behind some rocks and spy on the carriage. Five princesses hop out.
Ms. Heinous' Assistant Ah yes, the newbies have arrived. Welcome to St. Olga's School for Wayward Princesses.
Lightning strikes in the background and Star screams.
Marco Diaz New arrivals? If we can just blend in somehow, we can sneak in unnoticed. All we need is a-
Star Butterfly Radiant Shadow Transform!
Star transforms into her St. Olga's Disguise.
Marco Diaz Woah! Do me, do me!
Star Butterfly Radiant Shadow Transform!
Star casts the spell and Marco's outfit transforms into a pink girly gown. His hair is also restyled into a long high ponytail.
Marco Diaz Aww, you couldn't turn me into one of those guards with the cool masks?
Star Butterfly I don't know. Pink is definitely your colour!
Star and Marco sneak over to the group of new arrivals.
Ms. Heinous' Assistant Single file. Ms. Heinous is eager to start the reformation process.
Ms. Heinous' Assistant leads the line of princesses inside the school while Marco and Star silently follow the end.
Star Butterfly Aaahhh, Marco!
Marco Diaz Try not to blow our cover.
(Guard closes gate behind them and screen goes black. Introductory starts.)
Voiceover Don't allow your noble lineage to be thrown away! Here at the tried and trusted St. Olga's,
Whisper St. Olga's...
Voiceover ...we have a plethora of foolproof security measures! No dimensional scissors, no magic, no boys!
Whisper School...
Voiceover And, etiquette are the main focus for-
Whisper For...
Voiceover Your troubled wayward princess.
Whisper Wayward princess...
Voiceover We turn undisciplined behaviour into perfection.
Whisper Perfection...
Voiceover That free thinking one-in-a-million brat will become a one-in-a-million emotionless rubber stamp that your bloodline can count on.
Introductory ends. Princesses are now inside the school for an orientation.
Ms. Heinous Every one of you is here for a reason.
Ms. Heinous walks over to the line of princesses.
Ms. Heinous Too wild. Too opinionated.
Ms. Heinous goes up to one of the princesses who is blowing a bubble with her bubblegum and pops it with her finger.
Ms. Heinous Too bubbly.
Ms. Heinous As part of a noble lineage, you don't have the luxury of being an individual. So by the time I'm done with you, you'll all be fixed. Every last one of you.
Ms. Heinous Whether you're from Pixtopia-
Heinous freezes one of Star's heart cheeks with her finger.
Ms. Heinous or Mewni. And don't even think about escaping.
She takes a princess' dimensional scissors out of her hands.
Ms. Heinous These are useless. We have a Tramorfidian crystal in Tower 3. No rift can sustain itself within our walls, so you might as well cough up the scissors you smuggled in.
Princesses all groan and drop their dimensional scissors. Star is about to drop hers too.
Star Butterfly It's totally hopeless.
Marco Diaz Once we get Pony Head and disable that crystal thing, those are our ticket out of here.
Ms. Heinous That concludes your orientation. I'm confident that you will all become perfect princesses. One way, or another.
Ms. Heinous' Assistant Now to get everyone checked in so we can start sucking the individuality out of you.
Marco Diaz [high-voiced] I hear the first one checked in gets her own room.
Princesses exclaiming and running.
Ms. Heinous' Assistant Respect the queue, respect the queue!
Guards run over to the princesses while Star and Marco sneak away.
Star Butterfly This place isn't what I thought-
Marco Diaz Shh!
Star and Marco hide while a guard passes by.
Marco Diaz Yeah, breaking out Pony Head is going to be a breeze.
Star and Marco continue down the halls.
Marco Diaz It's just a high-surveillance prissy finishing school.
Star Butterfly No Marco, it's worse than I've imagined. Look.
Star points to a room where a princess is being taught.
Singing Teacher When your heart is filled with sunshine and you're feeling oh so free. All of life is just divine and my and the world is full of glee!
A bird is whistling along to the song and flies then lands on the princess' finger.
Marco Diaz You know the kind of girls that get sent here. They could totally benefit from this.
The two leave and the princess, Princess Smooshy, eats the bird.
Singing Teacher No, no, no.
The teacher pulls a lever and summons another bird.
Singing Teacher You're not leaving until you get this right!
Attention goes back to Marco and Star, who peek into one of the rooms.
Marco Diaz You know, this place has some seriously luxurious digs.
Star Butterfly Have you gone mad?
Marco Diaz Come, on! Look at the the intricate floral ornamentation on that armoire-
Marco gasps.
Marco Diaz the rich mahogany of the canopy bed. And there's enough velvet on that bedspread for me to swim in!
Star Butterfly Don't you see what's going on here?
Marco Diaz ...Dancing?
Star Butterfly Ugh. Let's just find Pony Head and get outta here.
They peek into another room and find Pony Head staring out a window.
Marco Diaz There she is.
Star Butterfly Let's blow down the door so we can get outta here.
Marco Diaz No, we gotta do this quietly, without drawing any attention.
Star and Marco unlock the door and Star comes bouncing inside.
Star Butterfly I am here 'cause I have to say, happy birthday on your birthday day!
Marco Diaz Do you want to get us caught?!
Star Butterfly Sorry. Hey, Pony Head!
Pony Head does not respond.
Star Butterfly Hey, it's us. Here to break you out so we can party!
Pony Head turns around. Her mane's been braided, her eyes are just too wide and her face is powdered white. Star gasps.
Pony Head [in a posh accent] My deepest apologies but I must abstain, as partying is for the unrefined.
Star Butterfly That's not the Pony Head I know and love...
Marco Diaz I got this. Hey, Pointy Head, it's Earth Turd!
Pony Head Such language belongs in the gutters of Galafamor.
Marco Diaz ...You know, I kind of like her better this way.
Star goes over to Pony Head and shakes her head.
Star Butterfly Snap out of it, Pony Head, snap out of it!
Pony Head laughs.
Pony Head Would you care for some crumpets?
Star Butterfly You see, Marco, this is what they do to you here.
Marco Diaz Relax. Once we disable that crystal thing and get her outta here, she'll finally be a benefit to society!
Marco grabs some things on top of Pony Head's fireplace.
Star Butterfly What are you doing?
Marco Diaz I saw this in a prison movie, “Escape from Jail Mountain”. Trust me. This will save our hides, just like it saved Hank Innocent.
Marco opens the door.
Marco Diaz It's clear.
Pony Head Ooh, escaping is inappropriate. Guards!
Star Butterfly Shh!
Pony Head Guards, guards! Guards! Yoo hoo, guards, guards?
Marco Diaz Ahh!
Guard Hey, stop!
Star and Marco run into a room filled with princesses holding tea cups
Princesses [monotonous] Keep your pinkies at 90 degrees, more tea please. Keep your pinkies at 90 degrees, more tea please. Keep your pinkies at-
Star Butterfly This is worse than my worse nightmare.
Marco Diaz Yeah, I see what you mean.
Pony Head Keep your pinkies at 90 degrees.
Star Butterfly Why are you saying that? You don't even have pinkies!
Marco Diaz Come on!
Marco grabs Star and ducks out of frame.
Princesses Keep your pinkies at 90 degrees, more tea please. Keep your pinkies at 90-
Star and Marco duck behind a table.
Star Butterfly He's right on us! Are we gonna blast our way outta this?
Marco Diaz No, that'll only increase the heat on us. I need some kinda distraction.
Star Butterfly Well, they're not gettin' my individuality.
Marco Diaz That's it!
Marco throws a teacup across the room.
Marco Diaz It's not criminal to be an individual! Come on! It's not criminal to be an individual!
Pixie Princess It's not criminal to be an individual!
The pixie princess throws a teacup.
All the princesses begin throwing teacups.
Princesses It's not criminal to be an individual!
Marco Diaz [whispering] That should buy us some time.
Star and Marco run out of the room.
Pony Head [monotone] Tee hee hee. He got scalded.
Star Butterfly She's laughing at an authority figure! I think the real Pony Head's still in there!
Cut to Ms. Heinous' office.
Ms. Heinous An uprising? In my institution? Put St. O's on full lock-down and find the freethinker who initiated this. We will quell this uprising in its infancy! Quell... Quell... [sighs] Is that right? Someone get a thesaurus!
Focus back to Star and Marco.
Star and Marco run past a room full of guards and down a hallway. Guards come out of the door.
Marco Diaz Wrong way!
Star and Marco turn around and run into another room.
Star and Marco barricade the door.
Marco Diaz Quick, find a place to hide!
The guards burst into the room.
Guard Hey!
Star's feet are visible under a curtain, but when the guards pull it back, it is only her boots.
Cut to hallway.
Princesses are being locked in their rooms.
Ms. Heinous' Assistant We've stifled the uprising. Soon, we'll find those responsible, and stifle them in the solitary conform-ment chamber. Here's our latest success story, the once wayward princess, Pony Head, is now a model student, reborn!
Pony Head is seen through her window.
Ms. Heinous Yes, I'm glad we stifled the uprising. You know, “stifle” isn't working for me either. Prepare the chamber, I'm leading this princess hunt myself!
Pony Head is revealed to be the assortment of items Marco grabbed earlier.
Marco and Star run into a room.
Marco Diaz What is this place?
Star Butterfly I don't know.
Dogs barking.
Marco Diaz We gotta move.
Marco and Star run out of the room, followed by Ms. Heinous, a guard, and a pack of dogs.
Marco Diaz There!
Marco opens the laundry chute.
Marco Diaz I'll see you at the bottom.
Star climbs into the chute. Marco tries to climb into the chute.
Marco Diaz Geh, my poofy dress won't fit!
Star slides down the chute.
Star Butterfly Marcooooo!
Marco Diaz Something's got my stockings! Woahuh!
Screen goes dark, the the chute appears, Star screams, Pony Head laughs, then both roll onto, then off, the pile of laundry at the bottom.
Star Butterfly Marco! You gotta help me save him! I can't do this alone!
Pony Head [looks as though she'll break through the brainwashing but fails] Brrrr! A princess who misbehaves will be saved, in the solitary conform-ment chamber!
Star Butterfly Why can't you remember who you are?
Cut to Marco, who is strapped to a chair.
Marco regurgitates the bobby pin, then starts trying to use it to escape his handcuffs. The bobby pin falls out of his mouth, onto the floor.
Marco Diaz Really? Wha?
A metal princess hat-like device lowers from the ceiling, onto Marco's head. It extends clamps that hold Marco's eyelids open.
Marco Diaz Ahaha!
The screen in front of Marco turns on, showing a drab etiquette slideshow. It says “A Lesson in Etiquette with a Glance at the Improper: XXXVIII Edition”. It switches to a drawing of a woman.
Voiceover The proper hat for the event, lest you be in malcontent.
The screen switches to a woman playing tennis.
Voiceover Everyone will admire the princess who does not perspire.
The screen switches to a man and a woman.
Voiceover 'Tis better to be fussy, than to be called a hussy.
Ms. Heinous Wuh, I can smell her free spirit through the safety glass. Full power!
Ms. Heinous' Assistant flips a switch.
Marco Diaz Yahahahahahaaaa!
Cut to Star, lying next to the laundry pile.
Star Butterfly So this is how it ends: on a cold checkered floor, by a pile of soiled linens, wearing an eyepatch.
Star looks at a poster on the wall.
Star Butterfly “Embrace a princess mentality, wash away your individuality”!? [gasps] Embrace this!
Star smacks the poster with a broom, before giving up and crying. Pony Head begins to rake the poster with her horn. In the process, the makeup disappears and her hair and personality return to her former self.
Pony Head Heh heh heh, heh heh heh ha ha! Oh, yeah! That feels so good! Waoo! Ahhahaha.
Star Butterfly Pony Head? You're back!
Star hugs Pony Head.
Pony Head Oh, you know it! Now let's go destroy something else! I don't even care what it is.
Marco Diaz [O.S.] Wahahahaa!
Pony Head Whoa, hold up. I'd recognize that girly scream anywhere. That's Earth Turd!
Star Butterfly Yep, Heinous got him.
Pony Head Well, what are we waiting for? Isn't he your best bestie?
Star Butterfly Yeah!
Pony Head On Earth. I'm still your best bestie overall, right?
Star Butterfly Come on!
Star grabs Pony Head and runs out of the room.
Star Butterfly Open that vent!
Pony Head's horn spins like a drill and Star uses her to open the vent. Star crawls in.
Star Butterfly Keep screamin', Marco!
Marco Diaz [girly voice] Proper throne posture. [disgusted yell]
Ms. Heinous Yes, we are extinguishing that rebellious spirit.
Star keeps crawling through the vent.
Marco Diaz Ohhhoahaa! Make it stop! Ahhhhahahaha!
Star blasts off the vent cover with her wand, then jumps out.
Star Butterfly I'm bustin' our way out of here, Marco, you cool with that?!
Ms. Heinous Where did she get that wand?!
Star turns the hat into a giant butterfly that bursts through the safety glass, then she releases Marco.
Star Butterfly I gotcha, Marco, now let's get the heck outta here!
Marco Diaz [wearily] Are they gonna let me keep the dress?
The butterfly flies closer to Ms. Heinous.
Ms. Heinous No, shoo shoo shoo shoo shoo, go away! Ah!
Clovers begin to appear on Ms. Heinous' cheeks.
Ms. Heinous' Assistant Your cheeks!
Ms. Heinous No, no, stop it, stop it! You saw nothing!
Ms. Heinous jumps into the chair and holds her eyelids open.
Ms. Heinous [trance-like] A princess always maintains her poise.
Focus back to Star and Marco. Marco is being held up by Star and Pony Head, and they are running through the halls.
Marco Diaz [To Pony Head] [sighs] I'm glad you're back to normal, by the way.
Pony Head Aw, you too! Now I can make fun of your ugly dress!
A princess is banging a teacup on the bars of her door.
Princess It's not criminal to be an individual!
All the princesses begin banging teacups on their bars.
Princesses [chanting] It's not criminal to be an individual!
Pony Head [To Marco] Man, I can't believe it, but you sure worked some turd magic on these girls! They are in it!
Star Butterfly Yeah, you really started something.
Marco Diaz My work here is not done. [To the princesses] My fellow wayward sisters! I'll show you the way! They want you to be a rubber-stamp-princess, I say we stamp on them!
The princesses run out of St. O's while screaming and yelling. Marco points to the tower.
Marco Diaz There's the tower!
Guards come out of St. O's, the princesses fight them.
Star aims her wand at the tower.
Star Butterfly Raspberry panzerfaust!
A rocket fires out of Star's wand and knocks into the tower, which breaks in half. The top half begins to tip.
Marco Diaz Looks like that did the job!
The princesses run right before the tower crashes into the ground. The tower begins emitting lights of all different colours. Star runs toward the wall and opens a portal with her dimensional scissors.
Star Butterfly Let's get outta here! [gasp]
Marco and Pony Head turn around.
Marco Diaz Woahoho! Woah!
The princesses are dancing by the tower half.
Star Butterfly Well, times a wastin'! If we hurry, we can still catch DJ Jump-Jump's set at the Bounce Lounge.
Pony Head Girl, I ain't goin' nowhere! The Bounce Lounge ain't got nothin' on dis par-ty!
Star Butterfly But, it's your birthday day!
Pony Head And you gave me the best gift ever. And it's called “Gettin' Me My Groove Back”! Look at me! It's back, babe!
Star Butterfly & Pony Head Hugs!
Star and Pony Head hug. A guard grabs Marco.
Marco Diaz Huh?
Star and Pony Head take down the guard, as another one enters. Marco karates the second guard.
Star Butterfly [To Pony Head] So, you wanna stay here?
Pony Head Oh, I gotta! I can't let what happened to me happen to anyone else! [To Marco] Right, Princess Turdina?
Marco Diaz Get on with your bad self, my wayward sister!
Pony Head Yeaha! I'm gonna go bite some of those robot guards on their faces!
Pony Head flies off screen.
Marco Diaz Bite one for me!
Star Butterfly Okay Marco, I conquered my biggest fear and grew as a person, yadayadayada, let's get out of here and never come back!
Star drags a waving Marco through the portal. Cut to Ms. Heinous, still in the chair.
Ms. Heinous If your elbows are on the table, you belong in a stable. Ah, there. All better.
Ms. Heinous picks up Marco's bobby pin. She picks a book called “Black Metallurgy and Ores of the Multiverse” off of the shelf. She drops the bobby pin into a boiling test tube, the liquid in which turns green, meaning that it originated from the Earth dimension.
Ms. Heinous Hmm, I will find the rebel-rousers responsible for this and annihilate them! Annihilate.. that's the verb I've been looking for!
(end credits)

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